Personal Development Blog.

A man's height in life depends on the extent to which he can develop himself. Life is transient, and the transiency of life makes it very imperative for you to be dynamic.

Petrochemical engineer, Entrepreneur, Politician and Philantropist.


Sunday, 15 December 2013

How To Spot A Lie: Knowing When Someone Is Lying To You!

Although, working relationships should be built on trust, but sometimes, people will rather tell lies in order to have their way and achieve their aim. Researchers have found that when people lie, their nose actually heats up. Using the thermographic cameras, psychiatrists at university of Granada in Spain, were able to detect an increased temperature in the nose, and regions around the eyes of people who are telling lies. However, this may not be very practicable, as you may obviously not have a thermographic camera, or probably be able to ask someone if you can place your hand over their nose before asking them a question, in order to detect the veracity of the answer. However, there are common body languages clues that often indicates that someone is not telling you the truth. Researchers at Harvard University have also discovered that there are also linguistic clues in the way people answer questions, which could be warning signs of dishonesty. "BODY LANGUAGE DISPLAYS" Watch out for the facial touching and expressions. People who are uncomfortable being dishonest tend to cover their mouth or touch their nose when they're telling a lie. This could be an attempt to hide the micro-facial expressions, and perhaps, due to the sudden heat rush, discovered by the study at university of Granada. Observe carefully what they do with their eyes: While breaking eye contact in itself, isn't a clear indication that someone is lying, as people often look away in order to concentrate or remember details. If there's a distinct change in a person's eye movements, rapid blinking, looking up or down for long periods while speaking, it can indicate dishonesty. Similarly, if they suddenly becomes hyper-focused on starring you in the eye, it could also be an attempt to counteract the looking away factor and convince you of the lie. "FIDGETING" People who are lying often fidgets. Fidgeting is usually caused by discomfort or nervousness. Both of which are symptoms of someone who's worried that they'll be caught for being dishonest. If you're nervous, remember to keep your fidgeting in check. Worse than simply implying a lack of confidence. The Harvard study of linguistic indicators of dishonesty: This research was conducted on people involved in negotiating businesses, where trust was required and money was on the line. Below were the interesting findings. "People who are lying tend to use a lot more words than people who are actually speaking the truth. Probably, because they feel the need to convince their audience of their untrue words, rather than just going straight to the point". Researchers also called this, the 'pinocchio effect' as similar to the pinocchio's nose. The length of the sentence grew along with the lie. "People who also told lies of omission, that is, leaving out relevant information, rather than outright lying, actually went the opposite, using shorter sentences and fewer words than those telling the truth. "People who told outright lies were believed more often than those who attempted to conceal only a part of the truth, by not talking about it. Therefore, (If you really need to conceal the entire truth, you're more likely to get away with it, than making up something with an attempt to avoid the subject matter). "Liars swear more often than people who are actually saying the truth". "Liars used far more third-person pronouns as: (him, her, it, one, they, their, rather than 'i') than people who are saying the truth, or lying by omission. Similarly, they also used much more complex sentence and grammatical structures. Researchers says, it is an attempt to hoodwink their listeners and separate themselves from the dishonesty at the heart of what they're saying. These are few signs to spot a liar, and know when someone is lying to you.

Thursday, 12 December 2013

How To Break-free From Bad Thoughts And Beliefs!

Do you know that a great number of people have had their minds inundated with bad thoughts and beliefs? This consequently could probably be as a result of their experiences while growing up. It is very expedient to know that most of this beliefs are unconsciously learned, and they eventually impede our desire for success in life. So many people often inundate their minds with bad thoughts and beliefs. For instance, in a relationship between a man and a woman. Wrong beliefs and thoughts like: I'm too old, too ugly, too fat, therefore no man or woman will want me. Other people also come up with the belief that, "i don't have what it takes to make it life", i'm incapacitated. This are all wrong and negative beliefs or thoughts that a lot of people have allowed to hold sway in their life. And all this disillusionment has hindered them from making progress in life. In other to make progress in life, you must begin to change how you think, to a more positive direction, and also feel your mind with positive thoughts. But how can you actually change all this negative thoughts to a more positive thinking direction. It is quiet easy to say change, but to actually change could be somewhat awkward to do. It might be difficult changing what you've learned over the years, but it's absolutely not impossible to change. First of all, you've got to "UNLEARN" what you've already learned. But how do you unlearn a bad behaviour, or expel all those negative thoughts and beliefs from your mind? Aren't those things already ingrained in your being? The answer to that question is NO! Behaviours are just learned responses to certain stimuli. For example, if you're always scared of meeting or talking to beautiful women, it is because sometime in your life, you learned to associate fear with talking to a beautiful woman. One way you can change this, is by adopting "reciprocal behaviours". Reciprocal behaviours are reactions that competes with each other. If a reciprocal reaction can be evoked in a situation that usually elicit a different response, when this is done, the old reaction will be weakened. Learning occurs as the new response grows stronger, while the old response grows weaker. For example: relaxation is the reciprocal to anxiety, assertiveness is reciprocal to shyness, and positive thoughts is reciprocal to negative thoughts. This reciprocal reactions will weaken the less desirable reactions, if only they can be consistently practiced and evoked under conditions that would normally exit the old reactions. In otherwords, if you really want this negative thoughts or behaviour to change, you have to go out into the field, begin to look out for the good behaviours you want to adopt, apply and instill those good behaviours inside you. Begin to practice them, until they're ingrained in you and become part of your life. You must begin to read books on positive thoughts, always resist every bad or evil thoughts immediately they're trying to creep into your mind. Consistently resist every negative thoughts, and never give any place to them in your mind. To practice this very well, always take into cognizance of when those old feelings and thoughts usually springs up, and apply those strategies to get rid of them. Change is a step process. You must first figure out what situations evokes these negative thoughts and behaviours, then expose yourself to varying degrees of that situation, until you feel completely comfortable with it. The systematic practice of this sensitization technique is critical to your success. The sink-or-swim methods, like, "throwing you into the flames" that most people recommend, can be less successful and much more stressful. Moreover, "sink or swim" methods might make the symptoms worse, by re-enforcing your negative thoughts and beliefs. However, real life hierarchies can be inconvenient to arrange and also difficult to control. Fortunately, it isn't always necessary to confront real situations, in order to change your behaviours in these situations. If you have a vivid imagination and respond to images of a situation in the same way you respond to the situation itself, it's possible to re-educate yourself at home and in the office. It is very pertinent that you don't imagine situations that are too intense. Doing so, will certainly reinforce and re-introduce the old reactions, instead of practicing the new habits. Though, it can be a very long and hard task to accomplish, but it is absolutely rewarding. PLEASE POST YOUR COMMENTS.

Sunday, 8 December 2013

How To Overcome Shyness And Develop More Ease And Confidence In Social Situations:

The first thing you've got to know if you're suffering from shyness and lack of confidence in social situations, is that you're not alone. Infact, majority of people often reports feeling shy in social situations (even if it doesn't look that way to others). Shyness is an internal experience and it's not necessarily that visible to the outside world. Infact, shyness is often mistaken for coldness, aloofness or "snootiness" by other people. You can possibly be surrounded by extremely shy people all of the time without realizing it. Hence, knowing this alone, can help reduce the feeling of isolation and shyness a bit. One way to ease yourself of the general feelings of shyness anywhere, is to look around for someone who seems to even be more shy than you, and go talk to him or her. Approaching someone who feels more shy than you, will help you feel more confident and less alone. You may also talk about your common feelings of discomfort in social situations and feel supported and elated. After this successful experience, you'll probably feel ready and more prepared to go out there and talk to more people. At least, you may have found a new friend with the same challenge, and you feel very excited and comfortable with it. When we feel shy, our attention is turned inward. Our mind is often preoccupied with fears of being judged or ridiculed by others. This absolutely can be very inhibiting, and makes us almost feel very awkward in our relationship with people. One way to deal with this, is to turn our attention outward. You can do this by focusing on what we like about the other person. Imagine saying positive, appreciative and complimentary things to that person. For instance, you may start the conversation by saying, "hey, i like your smile, or i like how alive you look today, you look good, whatever it is that makes that person appealing to you. Feel and say these appreciative and complimentary words to the person in your head first, as you approach him or her. When you do this, you'll be coming towards that person with the positive energy of appreciation and right mental attitude, rather than the energy of intimidations and wrong perceptions. This will help you feel more at ease, and feel better with the other person. This technique can be quiet helpful. My last recommendation for overcoming shyness and feel at ease in social situation, is practice. The more you try practicing these techniques, the more comfortable you'll become. Shyness could also be as a result of our temperaments. The "phlegmatics" and "melancholies" which are both introverts, tends to be more shy than the "sanguines" and "cholerics" which are both extroverts. You definitely need to discover your temperaments, so you can feel more comfortable and relaxed when dealing with shyness. However, if you always feel shy, remember you're not alone. Most of us do feel shy and uneasy in social situations. Practice these techniques, you'll definitely meet more shy people than you are, which will definitely boost your confidence. Shy people of the world unite! PLEASE COMMENT TO LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT THIS POST.

Friday, 6 December 2013

What Our Leaders Ought To Know!

Leadership is a sacred call to serve humanity, to make positive impacts in the lives of others. Even God himself respects leaders, and holds them in high esteem. Right from the old time, God has always appointed leaders to lead his people. Moses, Joshua, Samuel, Gideon are few examples of leaders appointed by God to lead the children of Israel in the bible. He has so much regards for leaders irrespective of how small or feeble they looked. They're stewards and must give account of their leadership roles. However, in our contemporary time, especially in our democratic system of government, where political leaders emerge, God no longer appoints leaders for his people. It is by the peoples choice through voting, where people vote to elect who leads them. Which ever way a leader emerges in any country, he or she has the duty to uphold the tenets of leadership and serve his or her followers meritoriously. Because they must give account of their position as a leader. However, lack of quality leadership has being a major problem all over the world. A lot of our leaders have lost the real meaning and essence of being a leader. They're no longer concerned about service to humanity, making positive impacts in the lives of their followers and leaving lasting legacies that will be difficult to forget. Their ultimate interest in vying for any leadership position is power, money and fame. They equate wealth and power to good and quality leadership. And this mentality has become the major problem of quality leadership. Most of our contemporary leaders no longer believe in the saying "A good name is better than silver and gold". Leaders are not remember because of the amount of wealth they possess nor the power they wield, they're always remembered for good and positive impacts they where able to make in the lives of their followers. Leaders like, Martin Luther King Jr. Abraham Lincoln, Nelson Mandela and so many other great leaders in the past, are not being celebrated because of their wealth or power, rather for their selfless-service to humanity. Do our contemporary leaders believe in, a good name is better than power and wealth? Until they answer yes, to these question and impress it upon themselves to always do the right thing, we can never get our leadership right. A leader is expected to serve the followers selflessly, has the interest of his or her followers at heart and ready to protect it. A leader is not expected to gratify selfish purpose or personal interest above collective interest. His or her passion is always to do the right things at all times, affect the lives of his followers in a positive way and determine to leave behind lasting legacies and good precedence to serve as a model for upcoming leaders. Leaders should know that at the end of time, what they're going to be remembered for, is how many lives they were able to touch and affect positively, not the wealth they possess, the power they wield nor their domineering and autocratic leadership style. Until our leaders begins to have these mentality of leaving behind a good name, have the passion to serve humanity, make good impacts in peoples lives and leave behind a lasting legacy, then things will definitely not change in the world. But come to think of it, have you ever ask yourself this question, if you acquire all the wealth in the world and wields all the power, and you die today, are all the monies and power going with you to the grave? What are we even struggling for in life? To grab everything that comes our way, is it really necessary? When we die, we live those things behind. So what is then the essence of all this power and wealth. The beauty of life is to use your position as a leader to touch lives, that's absolutely the best investment you can ever make in life, because when you die, your good works will stand and speak for you, and you'll be leaving behind a footprint in the sands of time that cannot be washed away so soon. Everything we acquire and possess in this life is vanity. Because they'll all perish here on earth, but what lives on and lasts forever is your good works to others, and how you were able to make someone smile with your position as a leader. A leader is expected to uphold high moral standards, because a leaders sin is a leading sin.